Writing 101

I decided to take a writing class. Yep. Figured it was about time. Putting all of those lines and squiggles together to make "words" and then grouping these "words" together to convey a thought is a bit beyond me, so I have enlisted the help of a professional.

My first assignment was to create a short piece (300 words) that started with "Pat knew for a long time that a clairvoyant gift was ..." Yep, that's it. Start with that, write 300 words and there has to be a twist at the end. So, here is what I submitted:

Dogs and Sweater Kittens

Pat knew for a long time that a clairvoyant gift was a double edged sword. The ability to divine futures, see pasts and read minds carries with it a tremendous amount of responsibility. The burden could be overwhelming to a person with a conscience or a shred of moral decency. Luckily for Pat, he possessed neither.

Pat focused on her thoughts as he walked towards her in the crowded courtyard, grabbing bits and pieces as he formulated his approach. She was sitting alone at a small table. Her long black hair was stylishly tousled, her sunglasses appropriately retro, and her white tank top and bellbottom jeans fashionably worn. The one foot she had tucked up in her chair revealed a delicate silver ring encircling her middle toe and an anklet adorned with stones the same shocking turquoise as the slurpee she was sipping.

"Beth, how have you been?" Pat said as he strolled casually towards her. "I see you still love your slurpees. Do you mind if I sit down?"

Beth nodded to the seat opposite her and watched through her sunglasses as he sat down."How did you know my name?"

"Don't you remember? I sat behind you in freshman English at…"

"No you didn't. I've never met you before."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Maybe because I've heard enough bad pickup lines that I can spot a creep a mile away." Beth picked up her cup and drew another sip of electric blue through the pink and white striped straw. "Or maybe I'm a mind reader."

"I'll go with option number two," Pat said as he leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table. "So Beth, mysterious and powerful mind reader, what am I thinking?"

"You're thinking about boobs. Mine in particular."

Pat leaned back in his chair as a grin sliced across his lips "Guilty as charged. But if you could really read my mind, you'd know that I'm thinking we should get a drink and a bite to eat. Then head back to my place and let the sweater kittens out to play."

"That's never gonna happen."

"You shouldn't say never, Beth. As all clairvoyants know, you can't see your own future."

"True," Beth said as she lowered her glasses. "But I can see yours. And your life ends abruptly and violently in 3 days."

-end

So, everyone (yes, both of you) please respond with the worst pickup line you have either a) used or b) been used on you.