I decided to take a writing class. Yep. Figured it was about time. Putting all of those lines and squiggles together to make "words" and then grouping these "words" together to convey a thought is a bit beyond me, so I have enlisted the help of a professional.
My first assignment was to create a short piece (300 words) that started with "Pat knew for a long time that a clairvoyant gift was ..." Yep, that's it. Start with that, write 300 words and there has to be a twist at the end. So, here is what I submitted:
Dogs and Sweater Kittens
Pat knew for a long time that a clairvoyant gift was a double edged sword. The ability to divine futures, see pasts and read minds carries with it a tremendous amount of responsibility. The burden could be overwhelming to a person with a conscience or a shred of moral decency. Luckily for Pat, he possessed neither.
Pat focused on her thoughts as he walked towards her in the crowded courtyard, grabbing bits and pieces as he formulated his approach. She was sitting alone at a small table. Her long black hair was stylishly tousled, her sunglasses appropriately retro, and her white tank top and bellbottom jeans fashionably worn. The one foot she had tucked up in her chair revealed a delicate silver ring encircling her middle toe and an anklet adorned with stones the same shocking turquoise as the slurpee she was sipping.
"Beth, how have you been?" Pat said as he strolled casually towards her. "I see you still love your slurpees. Do you mind if I sit down?"
Beth nodded to the seat opposite her and watched through her sunglasses as he sat down."How did you know my name?"
"Don't you remember? I sat behind you in freshman English at…"
"No you didn't. I've never met you before."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Maybe because I've heard enough bad pickup lines that I can spot a creep a mile away." Beth picked up her cup and drew another sip of electric blue through the pink and white striped straw. "Or maybe I'm a mind reader."
"I'll go with option number two," Pat said as he leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table. "So Beth, mysterious and powerful mind reader, what am I thinking?"
"You're thinking about boobs. Mine in particular."
Pat leaned back in his chair as a grin sliced across his lips "Guilty as charged. But if you could really read my mind, you'd know that I'm thinking we should get a drink and a bite to eat. Then head back to my place and let the sweater kittens out to play."
"That's never gonna happen."
"You shouldn't say never, Beth. As all clairvoyants know, you can't see your own future."
"True," Beth said as she lowered her glasses. "But I can see yours. And your life ends abruptly and violently in 3 days."
-end
So, everyone (yes, both of you) please respond with the worst pickup line you have either a) used or b) been used on you.
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2 comments:
Assignment met! Well done. I didn't expect the "twist" at the end.
I wish I could contribute with wise pickup line. I don't know many as few have been used on me--to my knowledge. I never dated until second year of college--and married the guy whom I'm happy to report has been a keeper.
I do remember when I was in my twenties a kid, who couldn't have been more than 15 came up to me in the library and said: "I was hoping you could help me get to know a girl I've got my eyes on." Or something like that. I said, "Yes," and proceeded to talk to him and ask questions about the girl to help him with a strategy. I later learned that he was talking about me--he wanted to get to know me! I was shocked. And told him I was "almost" old enough to be his mother. I had no clue he was trying to pick me up! This is perhaps why one should have a bit of experience before college!
Thanks for sharing your delightful story!
Sharon,
Thank you for the kind words on my assignment. That was a pretty smooth pickup from a 15 yr old. You're stealing hearts of all ages. I guess when you got it, you got it!! Now that I got a comment, I guess I'll have to write another entry. Eventually...
Thanks for stopping by.
-s
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